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Gena Windstarr · Posted: Sat Feb 16, 2008 11:10 am Post subject:

I have a new son, a very dear young man named Lochlyne who has honored me by taking the family name. He is a kind young man, eager to learn and eager to kill to defend the family.

My son has developed a deep fondness it seems for a family friend, Celestia Crannon and i can tell you the feeling is returned on her part. They make a very adorable couple .

My family does well, other than the constant fighting with our enemies which is both fustraiting and yet fun in a twisted sense.My beloved Phlegyas has subclassed in his studies, im so proud of him. He is a strong and protective fighter and our new son takes after him in so many ways.

My Galen, my silent beloved who observes quietly from shadows is growing stronger as well, i love both those men more than words can say, they are my everything.

Vikki is doing well, so close to subclassing after that unfair setback and my son Grim, i do adore that boy has taken up a new line of studies to shed the bindings of the neutral path he chose , uninformed choice it was poor dear. Tho i have faith he will be strong in this as he was before.
_________________
~ Can I get a KABOOM!? ~

~ One of Aryus Terror Triplets~
~ Lover, Fighter, Sister, Sire ~
~ Forever with my Galen ~

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Gena Windstarr · Posted: Sun Apr 06, 2008 9:58 pm Post subject:

I sit here alone, as i have been so much as of late, and i think of how my life is falling apart.I am losing my childer and grand childer one by one, my sire and my sisters are seldom to be found.. and the two men i thought i could allways rely on are seldom if ever there any more.

I have no one to lean on, no one to keep me sane, no one to ease the grief and to make the long nights, or days bearable.The stress of trying to head this family, of trying to be sure people are trained and advised, of trying to settle petty squabbles is mine alone as it allways has been.

I miss phlegyas so much, i leaned on him greatly because he was allways there, he was the warrior of my mates who helped defend and avenge the family but i seldom see him any more. I miss Galen just as much, quiet, watching Galen. I am in misery without their company, support, advise and their arms around me.

I do not know why i even stay in this damned place, even killing has lost its joy for me without those i love around to share in it. I guess it is my curse to be alone, to bear the stress and loss and pain alone, for everyone i have ever loved goes away eventually..

I cant even sire any more it seems because my youngest is insanely jealous of the idea of more siblings, Phlegy seems to agree though hes not exactly here to help me raise them is he. They take away the chance to help my family grow and to replace what is lost, a chance to love and care for something to ease my pain yet what do i get in return?

So i lay here wiping the tears that come so easily now a days and wonder how much longer i can hold together, how much more loss and loneliness i can stand. I do not know where to go, where or who to seek for comfort and reassurance.

_________________
~ Can I get a KABOOM!? ~

~ One of Aryus Terror Triplets~
~ Lover, Fighter, Sister, Sire ~
~ Forever with my Galen ~

Gena Windstarr · Posted: Sat May 03, 2008 8:06 pm Post subject:

Some things have changed sense i last set pen to paper. Some happy things, some things that enrage me.

I have sired again, more than once after my husbad and my sons rather unsuccessfull attempts to forbid it. I have more daughters and more sons now, 29 from my own siring or adoption of them.

I have more grand and great grand childer than i can count or even name and sadly they can be as hotheaded as i and their mouths often act before their brains may. They get it honest, its a fault i still struggle with myself.

My son Lochlyne is subclassed and married to the dear and lovely Celestia, my grand childe Myst too is subbed and both are becoming wonderful warriors.

Phlegyas has sired a childe of his own. I must confess it makes me laugh to think of how he brought the young man home and told me he was our son, after he tried to tell me we had enough allready. Altair seems to be a fine young man, quiet and gentle yet i sense a fire inside him. I look forward to getting to know him and seeing him grow strong.. i must find out if he likes cookies or donuts better.

It seems we are under a fresh round of attacks by 2 of our enemy families and the other day my beloved Phlegy was there to help me, our son Loch and our grand daughter Myst do battle against some of them. By the gods it felt good to kill with my mate again, it felt.. right.

I had missed Phlegy so while he had secluded himself away, and Galen too for both men are what keeps my heart beating.

I have seen a bit more of both lately thank the gods and it has calmed me some.Tho G often keeps to the shadows we still have our private moments and i treasure each second of them . I treasure my alone time with P, when we plan war and make love. Oh its good to have him in our family meeting halls beneath the castle once again.

It is interesting, he tells me Altair is our son together, i have no objection, in fact i love it but if any of those from my siring could be our son together as well it would be Lochlyne. That boys temperment is so like Phlegys at times its uncanny, i cant wait to see if Altair has inherited his fathers fire.. or perhaps he will have that touch of my quiet gentlness

Yes i DO too at times have a bit of quiet gentleness.. if anyones reading this. and if you say different i will bop you upside the head with my titty

_________________
~ Can I get a KABOOM!? ~

~ One of Aryus Terror Triplets~
~ Lover, Fighter, Sister, Sire ~
~ Forever with my Galen ~

Gena Windstarr · Posted: Fri May 30, 2008 7:38 am Post subject:

What must i do, i pace the floor nightly with a heavy heart and crying eyes , all of the joy is seeping from me and being replaced by anger, bitterness and heartbreak.I love Phlegyas so much and Galen too.. they knew the pain that my former marriage caused me, they promised they would be there for me allways... they promised me..

Despite the times ive tried to speak to Phlegyas, the times ive tried to tell him how i need him he still stays gone, wandering heaven knows where and seldom popping in. He is never around any more to help me try and head the family.

It used to be that Phlegy was allways by my side, That my Galen was the silent one who stayed in the shadows and would be gone for days on end but now...Now i see Galen much more often than Phlegy, though Galen himself still stays silent and has no interest in taking his place beside me as a male head of the family. As allways it is i alone who must bare all the stress.. suffer all the pain.

I love them both so much, my heart and body aches for them both. Why am i cursed to have such horrible luck, why must every man i love grow tired of me after only a few weeks or couple of months.. after i give all of myself and all that i have to them.

I am sick to death of people, mates, childer who ever just useing me for all the wealth or training or what ever they can get from me then just leaving me alone, not caring how our family or especially myself may suffer without them.

But what should i do, should i sever the binding with Phlegyas, perhaps officially wed Galen? I dont know, i dont want to hurt either of them but i am so tired of playing the part of the long suffering silent celebate little wife. Three husbands and not one seem to want to be with me and have a family with me. they all grow distant and go away.

I fear my hurt and anger may eventually lead me to seek pleasure and comfort in the arms of another, though i doubt they would care for me any more than any other man ever has so why bother even looking.I hate that the thought of such a thing even enters my mind but i swore to myself after the way my ex did me that id never let myself be put through such hurt again.. such loneliness and neglect of my physical and emotional needs.

I know it is hurt and anger that puts such thoughts in my mind.. a way to comfort myself i guess as strange as it sounds. I dont want any one but them, i am in utter misery when they are gone for so long.

Why do i even stay here, why do i even try and hold some kind of a family together. At least im not alone in my loneliness, Vikki herself is missing her own ever absent mate. But here we are, still doing all we can for the family that we love, i guess its all we are good for is to just give away things and help people in their studies.... heaven forbid anyone think more of us than that..or stand beside us as they should in love and support and to help ease our stress and workloads.

They promised me.. us...So much for the promises of men.
_________________
~ Can I get a KABOOM!? ~

~ One of Aryus Terror Triplets~
~ Lover, Fighter, Sister, Sire ~
~ Forever with my Galen ~

Gena Windstarr · Posted: Sun Jun 08, 2008 8:51 pm Post subject:

So much sadness, so much loss...

Immortal and his mate Noelle broke up last night as did Thom and Isola, she leaving him.My own relationships with my husbands seem non existant..

Oh these strange human servants who follow us around everywhere seem to chat a lot and greatly enjoy each others company but what of us, the vampires they serve...

I have not had any good quality time, any intimacy for months and the loneliness is harder to bear each day. The loneliness consumes me as well as now anger, bitterness and resentment.

Immortal was lucky, he found someone new. Only he really knows the depth of my hurt and despair. I wish i could die, i wish i could sleep and never awaken so i could never be hurt again and never be lied to and never be used

Never be abandoned by those i love the most...
_________________
~ Can I get a KABOOM!? ~

~ One of Aryus Terror Triplets~
~ Lover, Fighter, Sister, Sire ~
~ Forever with my Galen ~

Gena Windstarr · Posted: Sat Jun 14, 2008 11:26 pm Post subject:

It has been days sense I slipped those notes under Galen and Phlegys doors.I have now crept in and retreved them and torn them to pieces, I copied the words here however so there is a record of it..It seems that neither men have been around to read them and im not really surprised. What does surprise me somewhat is how my feelings about the situation and my abandonment by them have changed in the course of about a week.Here is the note.

My love, i send you this, exact copies to both you and your brother.

I miss you both so much, i never see you any more, never have your council, never feel your touch.

Phlegyas, you never take your place beside me any more, helping lead the family. You only come in to grumble if you are attackec and yet when we want to go avenge our blood you are never there.

Galen, i know you are not a warrior but you too are never there, our children do not even know who you are.

I have no one to support and comfort me, no one to lean on in hard times and i have not felt the touch of either of you in so very long.

I thought with you i would find my happiness, my devoted and undieing love that i could rely on forever, yet it is just like my first binding, me being left alone and unloved and unwanted.

I swore id never put myself through this lonely hell ever again and you swore id never again feel that kind of pain yet here i sit alone.

I write this in hoping that you will see it, hoping you will understand how much i love and need you both.. hoping you will return to me and our family.

I can not bear this pain any more, this loneliness that carries on day after day. I need you.. i need someone to be by my side or i fear i will just give up and die. Allready i am losing my desire to feed and want to just lock myself in my room away from everything. I hope that you read this, hope that you still care enough for me to act. I am giving up on love and life.. everyone i love just goes away in the end...

{{ oocly i love you both to death and love hanging with you. but icly the guys are neglecting the hell out of gena and shes sick of it and im tired of seeing my character that i put my heart and soul into being and feeling used and broken hearted by every man shes ever loved }}

end note

I look back over this diary, all the things ive wrote, all the hope and joy I felt……and all the pain.. So very much gut wrenching heartache and confusion and loneliness. I think I deserve better than this.I vowed to myself id never go through it again, never let another man do me like my first mate did. I mean to keep that vow even if my current husbands have no desire to keep theirs.

Let them go, let them roam the world, let them lose themselves in studies or slumber. If that is truly what they wish then let them, I will no longer beg and plead for their love..I love all of my children, always will but its high time I dried my tears and started living for myself..

More and more I feel my anger and resentment replace my devotion and love, especially to Phlegyas, he was allways the one I thought I could depend on no matter what. I always knew Galen was a wanderer and while I loved him as much as Phlegy it was Phlegy who was the most active and supportive of the two.But now both are gone god knows where and strangely, or perhaps not so strangely.. I find myself not caring.

I will use this freedon to try and find my happiness, to try and find what makes my soul complete . I thought my souls completion lay with them but I see now I must have been mistaken, they are like all the others. However, instead of crying or wasting away, instead of wondering whats wrong with me, why is it im not good enough to be loved, I owe it to myself to try once again, to seek what no others can or will give me. I owe it to myself to try once more to live before I completely give up and invite death in.

I love you both, i think part of me allways will. I used to want nothing more than to be with you both forever. You both knew what i needed, what i required in a mate, a lover, friend,confidant,a rock,an advisor..a father to our kids and a family leader. You knew, if you no longer can or will give me that then fine i will no longer ask it. But know that i still have much love to give and damned if i will play the celebate, heartbroken,longsuffering bride any longer. I did it too long for Drago, and its going on too long for you.
_________________
~ Can I get a KABOOM!? ~

~ One of Aryus Terror Triplets~
~ Lover, Fighter, Sister, Sire ~
~ Forever with my Galen ~

Gena Windstarr · Posted: Mon Jun 16, 2008 3:45 am Post subject:

I spoke to Galen today, i cried my eyes out as i told him to set me free. I told him how much i had loved him but that i know he is not truely committed to me or this city, his heart is to much of a wanderer. Our union is desolved and i have taken off my collar and sealed it away in my little little treasure chest to keep as a reminder of our happier times.

He took it better than i thought he would, i know i hurt him, it killed a little bit of me to break from him but i had to.. and still i must do this all over again with Phlegyas.

He said he knew he let me down and he was so sorry, i believe him and have no hatred for him, i still love him as a son and deeper, it will take time for the feelings to fade completely.

Why did i do this, why will i do this to Phleg? Why not just suffer alone and silent?

Because i have met someone, someone who says he has fallen in love with me and wants us to be together allways. Because Fyrestorm is the only joy and hope in my life and the only thing keeping me from ending said life of mine. I love him, what can i say, he walked into my bakery shop and walked out with my heart and i do not want to leave the comfort of his embrace.

I must have this chance, to build a new life with him, to know love again.He is not content to be " the other man " forever and i can not blame him. I want an active husband, even if hes not a warrior or a healer to help the family i need an active husband. His love and devotion can help and heal me. His love will heal my soul, warm my body and strengthen me to be the best i can for him and the family.

I must start telling my children of this situation soon, my beloved son and confidant Immortal and Myst my beautiful grand childe. My lochlyne and my 3 healers Star, Vikki and Celestia. Sweet Talon, firey Red and Angel, dear Thom and quiet Kiske and darling Ankorin.

I love them so much, all my children even those no longer here and i pray Galen and Phlegy will not hate me or sever the sire bond.

I have found the flame of love and i can not let it go. They say its dangerous to play with fire.. but this Fyre has a burning heat that feels soooo damn good. Even though we and the family are going through a time of pain and confusion, Fyre can soothe away my hurt and dry these tears i shed so much lately.

2 Marriages.. 3 husbands.. all heartbreak in the end... but now i have hope again He says he loves me and wants me forever, i want him too and i must take this chance. It is not fair to beg G and P to stay and love me when they just cant, or wont and its not fair to expect me to live that way forever. But with Fyre i dont have to live in pain, we can build a future of love and passion and support and comfort, something he and i both need so much. My Fyre, such a beautiful flame. Soon my love i will be yours completely, not just in my heart for i am allready yours there, but i can be yours officially too.

{{ pete and glenn, i love you both, i love your charries but i cant go on any more like this. glenn thank you sweety for understanding like you did.. pete i dont know when ill see you.. i hope you understand too. i must do whats best for gena but it will not change how much i adore you both ooc or it wont make me stop careing for you and helping you ic if you both ever play the game any more . }}
_________________
~ Can I get a KABOOM!? ~

~ One of Aryus Terror Triplets~
~ Lover, Fighter, Sister, Sire ~
~ Forever with my Galen ~

Gena Windstarr · Posted: Tue Jun 17, 2008 1:23 am Post subject:

It is done, i am divorced. 2 failed marriages.. oh god it hurts so much, i do not know how i can survive this. All i ever wanted was to be loved, to be with them forever, i loved them more than my life. they WERE my life.

I will cry, i will rage and scream, i will morn.. somehow i will move on, i must move on.

Fyre will help me move on, he will dry my tears and soothe my heart and soul. I hope he truely loves me as he says, i know i can not suffer this another time. He told me to believe in us, so i will. I will believe in him and how good it feels when he holds me. I will believe in my dream of a little intimate night by a moonlit pond where we will say our vows.

When i see him tonight i will tell him i am free, i hope i see him soon.
_________________
~ Can I get a KABOOM!? ~

~ One of Aryus Terror Triplets~
~ Lover, Fighter, Sister, Sire ~
~ Forever with my Galen ~

Gena Windstarr · Posted: Tue Jun 17, 2008 11:43 pm Post subject:

I am married now for the third time, praying that the saying " third times a charm " is true. Some of my children, Immy atleast , seem to think its way too soon but i have been without a steady and active male presence in my life for far too long.

We went to the binding hall late last night and were wed, we exchanged rings and added a few of our own words at home after. I do not want another big wedding, its so stressful to make everything so perfect and then it all falls apart.

It feels strange not to have Galens collar around my neck any more, tho he was never really here to help me satisfy the desires of my more kinky side it still felt nice to wear it. I dont think Fyre is like that though, really i do not know, i still have much to learn abot him. I suppose i should ask but im kind of shy about it.

I have been let down and heartbroken so much that it will leave scars on my heart and soul that will never heal, part of me will never believe im good enough for any man to truely love, need and desire. I must try and hide these fears as best im able, not let them keep nagging at me.

I want to have a wonderful life With Fyre, to know the joy of love and of learning about each other and sharing our lives together. I want to make him proud, to be good enough for him, he is the flame to lead me out of the darkness and i love him dearly.
_________________
~ Can I get a KABOOM!? ~

~ One of Aryus Terror Triplets~
~ Lover, Fighter, Sister, Sire ~
~ Forever with my Galen ~

Gena Windstarr · Posted: Tue Jun 24, 2008 10:46 am Post subject:

Pain pain pain. Pain unending, pain consuming my soul and confusion destroying my mind.

I thought i could be happy, thought i could forget those who went away but my love and longing for them rages inside me like a wildfire.

Galen.. Phlegyas.. i miss you so. I spoke to my Galen the other night and it tore me apart, he wanted me back and i so longed to go to him.

But Fyre, the one who was there as a friend and a comfort.. I do not wish to hurt him. Perhaps i have never truely given him a chance, my love for my two sons is the strongest love ive ever known and it is a love that can not easily die, if ever it can at all.

I dont know what to do to become closer to Fyre, i dont know how, i dont know what he likes, i dont know of his past... i dont know.. What can i do to find a connection, to really know the man i married and to let him know me

I must try and be brave, be strong for my children through my aching suffering and confusion. I must not let them see me cry or be sad, but here alone i will soak my pillow in tears and rage inside as i try and find some kind of happiness in this life.

_________________
~ Can I get a KABOOM!? ~

~ One of Aryus Terror Triplets~
~ Lover, Fighter, Sister, Sire ~
~ Forever with my Galen ~

Gena Windstarr · Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 5:19 am Post subject:

I have severed Fyre. I was a fool to think one night of comfort and passion could lead to a lasting love. He is a good man and he deserves a solid commitment that i am just unable to give right now.It was so fast, so rushed but i can not lay any blame upon his door. I hate that i hurt him, that i let him down but i am no good to him or anyone. My heart belongs to two men. Phlegyas Windstarr and Galen LaCroix Windstarr

If i can not be with one, or both then i must be alone, for it is too soon to think of fully committing to another man even if i am so lonely. I must try and find them, to know their true feelings and desires.

There has been so much hurt allready, i wonder if it can ever be made right...
_________________
~ Can I get a KABOOM!? ~

~ One of Aryus Terror Triplets~
~ Lover, Fighter, Sister, Sire ~
~ Forever with my Galen ~

Gena Windstarr · Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 9:25 am Post subject:

My heart is being healed, the medicine is my own beloved Galen. I wear his collar around my neck once more and it feels so right to have it there. We reaffirmed our vows tonight, i am his wife once more and gods be praised i am so very happy.

I feel like my life is almost normal again, i say almost because Phlegyas is still gone and i do not know where to. I love that man as deeply as ever and i pray he will soon return. I must know if he still loves me at all, and if so why hes left me for so long.

But i have Galen, my beloved husband and my thrilling master, and im so happy to feel him next to me again

. My love, ever watching and seldom seen, but as long as i see you, as long as i know your here for me and love me i will be just fine.

_________________
~ Can I get a KABOOM!? ~

~ One of Aryus Terror Triplets~
~ Lover, Fighter, Sister, Sire ~
~ Forever with my Galen ~

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free forum make a forum for free message boards free forum hosting free phpbb forum phpbb create free forum free dating directory free articles mp3 download

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free dating directory free articles mp3 download